


In Whatever Time We Have

by silkymarillion



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Aegnor and Andreth are naive but that's not necessarily a bad thing, F/M, Love Confessions, autistic Aegnor, autistic Andreth, disabled elves, i'm bad at dialogue sorry, no beta we die, physically disabled Andreth, shot gun? shot arrow? shot arrow wedding, unapologetic musical references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26475169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkymarillion/pseuds/silkymarillion
Summary: What is Aegnor hadn't left Andreth without a word? What is they had talked honestly? What if they were both %100 DTF?
Relationships: Aegnor | Ambaráto/Andreth | Saelind
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. And I Looked Back

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of Tolkien's works. This is for fun.

In Whatever Time We Have  
A Prologue

She looks at me like I am the Sun Newborn, or like the only living tree in a burnt forest. She is the water beyond a burning battlefield. She is here, a gust of wind on the face, cool and soothing and- gone. She will be gone soon, so soon. What will happen after that? Where will she go? What shall I do?  
It's best to end it here, I think. To look away from her, to keep her alive and water and cool in my memory.  
Ai Eru, please don't make me chose. Either way, it's more than I can bear to lose. Either way, its ripping out my heart.  
But I don't turn. I walk to her, my fea urging me to go forward and to run away. You're walking now, I think, whatever you do now, you decided. If you had turned away, you would take that path. But you have chosen this one, haven't you? She is fleeting, she is cool air and the breeze will be gone but ignoring it will not stop the air from kissing your face.  
I reach her, a few feet away. She looks at me with her blank face, but I know from the position of her legs, one foot forward, and her arms, at her sides but just barely, that she is waiting, waiting to run to or away from me, I cannot tell.  
I need to say something, anything. I take a breath.  
"Andreth- I... well, I have to leave soon, I- we. Need to talk."  
I take her hands, gently sit on a large rock beside her. I take her hand, the one missing all but the thumb and pinky, little nubs of digits that might have been, like small hills giving her hand a unique shape. I need her to know that I adore all of her.  
She turns her head to me, for she cannot move her eyes to the sides, and looks at me, her head tilting in a way it does when Bregor tries to explain himself after being late for dinner.  
"You are- you're an amazing person, do you know that? You're wise, you're patient. You're strong and beautiful and so, so smart you run circles around me. You've been my friend for years, but I've felt something- better- no, different. Different for you, than anyone else. I love you. Not as a friend, or just as a friend. But you must understand, we have different destinies, different roads. Iluvatar didn't intent for this, us to happen. But, I’m selfish, and I can't live in a world without you."  
I look into her eyes, which are filling with tears. She is shaking. Oh, no, I made her cry! I'm such a moron, I must be overwhelming her or maybe scaring her. What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I interpreted her feelings wrong? What if I ruin the friendship we had? What if-  
"Aegnor, you're going on and on again" Andreth says, a playful tone in her slurred voice. Many people heard her voice, with its sluggish consonants and sometimes incomprehensible words, especially when she way excited, and didn't stop to listen. They assuming things about her, about her intelligence. If they had bothered to stop, to listen, they would have heard such wonderous ideas from her.  
"Maybe I'm being selfish, too. But, because I know I will die, I want to live life, with you. Even if you must leave in six months, even if you must leave tomorrow. Even if we live a hundred years or the world ends tomorrow. In whatever time we have, we should make the most of that time. We love each other. Whether we part now or stay together, that love won't go away. Aegnor, I want to make good memories with you. Regardless of the pain. We can face whatever comes, if we face it together in heart. Even if we are apart." She finishes talking and leans in closer to me, and I wrap my arms around her.  
"In whatever way you'll have me, Andreth. If we stay like this or marry. I must go to fight, you know this. I must do what I believe is right. But I want to make the most of our time together." I try to explain my conflicted thoughts to her.  
"For as long as I live, Aegnor, I will love you. Maybe beyond that, if what your brother says is true. If we could, if we were not at war with the Enemy, perhaps we could enjoy a simple life together. But I know what you must do, and I will not protest that." She sighs, thinking for a moment before speaking again. "I once heard one of your soldiers say that humans are selfish, that we are impatient and want too much. But we have a short time compared to you. I want to make memories with you. I want to enjoy our time together; however short it may be. If our fates are severed, and, as your brother says, I will go beyond the circles of this world when I die, don't you suppose that I will miss you, too? But Arda is marred, and with choice, there is pain. I choose to choose you. I choose the sorrow and the happiness. Maybe I will regret it later, maybe I don't know what we're getting into, but I know that I love you."  
She intertwines her other hand with mine, and we are silent for a while. After a while, she speaks again.  
"I'll need to sew my white dress up, there's still that terrible tear in it from when I feel in the lake and it got caught on those awful sharp rocks. Ah, well, at least the blood came out."  
I remember that, her fall off the dock and onto the sharp rocks of the swallow river. Finrod had jumped in after her first. Her leg had bleed so profusely, and she seem to heal much more slowly from the injury than any Eldar. How unfair that the humans, with their short lives, should heal so much slowly than the Eldar, who live as long as Arda lives. I place my hand over where I know the scar is. I look at her, her black hair glinting in the moonlight, her beautiful brown eyes, so deep and warm.  
She kisses me! I honestly wasn't expecting that! But, ai, a good thing, so nice!  
It is she who wraps her arms around me, deepening our kiss. After a moment, we pull away.  
"And you, Aegnor, need to get a proper set of robes. No tunics and trousers at my wedding! We'll make a day of it!" She laughs, and I join in. I've been to many weddings before, but I suspect my own will be far more fun!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> too clear someting up, Andreth has Mobius Syndrome, which i also have. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%B6bius_syndrome

The dining hall is crowded and noisy. Laughter, shouting, the sounds of plates and bowls and cups clacking. A toddler five tables away starts screaming for some reason, and his mother looks to the head table and hastily carries him out, his little face red from whatever has upset him.   
Andreth at the far end of the table on my left. Her head is down, and she swirls her spoon in her soup, only occasionally taking tiny sips. No one notices this, as she has always been a slow eater, food falling from her mouth if she isn't careful. She confessed to me once that she was self-conscious about her eating and would have preferred to eat alone in the library, but she was expected at meals. Tonight, her spoon shakes and, broth and meat falling into the clay bowl. She's nervous and I am, too.  
Her father and siblings are all gathered for the meal, as are the rest of their household.   
In addition, Finrod and Angrod are visiting for a fortnight. It's the perfect time to tell everyone, so naturally we are both shaking like leaves.   
"We should wait until everyone has eaten" Andreth suggests, "that way they'll be tired and happy and more agreeable. Plus, if they get mad and we need to run, at least my side of the family will be slower, so that's a good %50 start."   
"Nothing bad will happen, Andreth. They won't try to do anything, even if they are displeased. The worst they could do is get angry and shout at us." I try to reassure her, but I'm over analyzing it, too. My eyes go to the great carved doors leading outside. It's about 35 feet away, we could make a break for it, hide somewhere until everyone calmed down-   
Andreth stands up, pulling me up with her. "Everyone, we have- everyone, please, hey stop talking- EVERYONE BE QUIET FOR A MOMENT!!!" Andreth practically shouts.   
The room goes silent, everyone looking to us. I look at my brothers and see Angrod staring with a raised brow and Finrod who has his head in his hands. Oh no. He must have guessed what we're planning.   
"Um- sorry, thank you, um... me and Aegnor have an announcement!" She turns her head and looks at me expectantly. Ah, throwing me under the swan-boat.   
I look out to the crowd of about 100 humans and elves eating at the low tables in front of the dias, then I look to the 20 or so of us at the head table. I clear my throat.   
"As you all know, the Houses of Finarfin and Beor have ever been close in friendship. Our peoples have lived and worked together these many years, and I have gotten to know many of you. In particular, I have gotten close to Andreth, and she to me. We have grown very fond of each other and-"   
"Oh, Trees, please tell me you're not going to try to marry her?" Angrod's exasperated voice interrupts me. Finrod has his head down, he appears to be slowly banging it on the table.   
Andreth's family are dumbstruck, her father and sibling's mouths open like fish. Everyone is silent, bewildered looks, like I had just declared I was going to try to eat Thangorodrim stone by stone.   
"Yes, Angrod, I was getting to that. Andreth and I have been very much in love from afar for quite a while, and we have recently decided that we would like to marry, as soon as possible" I say, trying to be confident. My hands are shaking but I try not to show it.   
For about three seconds, all is quiet. Then the room bursts into noise and everyone starts shouting.   
"What kind of game are you playing with my sister?!"   
"Lord Aegnor, this is completely unheard of!"   
"Aegnor, I thought we talked about this! It's a bad idea!"   
"What are you playing at, making an Edain girl think you love her, and a crippled one, at that! Why would you think this is funny?"   
"Andreth, sweetheart, you must be confused. I don't know what kind of game Lord Aegnor is playing, but its-"   
Andreth takes a big, iron tankard and slams it down on the table, hard, once again silencing everyone.   
"Everyone quiet down, now! This is no game, no joke, no trick! Aegnor loves me, and I love him! We are going to wed and spend whatever time we can together, and that's that! You can like it or dislike it, but that's the decision we've made and its final!" Andreth's voice is shaky but clear. She straightens her back and makes her eyes wide, the only facial expression she can do, which she only uses on occasions like this.   
Finrod speaks up, his head no longer banging the table.   
"What of the War? We must travel to the front in six months, Aegnor. It's against our Laws to marry in times of strife!"   
"What Laws?" I counter back. "The Laws of Aman, who we are sundered from? The Laws of the High King? I was under the impression that Uncle Fingolfin had better things to attend to than his nephew's marriage!" I take a deep breath. "Finrod, we have discussed these issues together. Me and Andreth know there will be challenges, we are not doing this with the expectation that everything will go smoothly. But we live in a Marred world, and to not seek happiness out of fear of pain will lead to regret."   
Andreth speaks up besides me; "we know it will be hard. We know we will face sorrow. But we wanted you all to be part of the happiness, too."   
I turn my gaze briefly, to the lower tables. Everyone is staring at us, mouths agape, with food halfway to their mouths. They will probably be talking about this for weeks, and, I imagine, by the end of the fortnight, half of Beleriand will know of this affair.   
Andreth's father, Boromir, arises from his chair stands in front of us. His slightly wrinkled face is stern, but he looks at Andreth and his eyes soften. "If he is who you want, Daughter, then I am happy." Boromir says, embracing her. Suddenly, Bregor and Beril are beside them, all embracing. Bregor even pulls me into the group hug and I do not resist. He whispers in my ear, quietly enough that none save I can hear. "You better not make Andreth cry, or so help me, Lord or not, you will beg for Morgoth's attentions when I'm done." I look to him, gulp a little, and assure him that I will make Andreth happy.   
I look to my own brothers. Angrod looks miffed, his lips puckering like he's swallowed sour milk, and Finrod has his head resting in his hands on the table. I can hear him faintly muttering to himself, the words "fear" and "idiots" the only comprehensible things I can hear.   
Well, the good news is, we've gotten half the family on our side. I have a sinking feeling that Finrod will be much harder to convince. This will be fun, I think, grimacing.


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as the door to his chambers close, Finrod is inches from my face. His own is red, he's practically shaking, he's so upset.  
Seeing Caranthir or Uncle Feanor or Curufin angry was one thing, but seeing Finrod angry made me want to sink into a deep pit in the earth and never resurface.  
"What are you thinking?!" He shouts, his hands clutched in fists.  
""I love Andreth and want to marry her?"" I supply, confused.  
Finrod sighs heavily, plopping down into his seat.  
"This will end badly, for both of you." He says, looking me in the eye. After a few seconds, I look away, uncomfortable.  
"We both know that sorrow will come. We acknowledge that. But, Finrod, we knew sorrow would come before travelling to Beleriand, and here we are. If suffering is our lot, I want to take whatever joy I can, and so does Andreth." I rehash what I had said in the feast hall, feeling a bit exasperated that Finrod doesn't seen to want to understand our motivations for getting married.  
"This isn't a whim, Finrod. I've loved her for years, and she loves me. We're going to get married and enjoy what we have. And then, then I'll do whatever I have to to ensure that our home and our family is safe. But dwelling on the negative possibilities won't do anything. Finrod, I want your support in this. I want you at my wedding. I want you and Androd both there. I wish Galadriel could come, and Fingolfin's children, too. But I'll take what I can get."  
Finrod is silent for a good long while, the air heavy with tension. Finally, he speaks.  
"You don't want the Feanorion's in your wedding party, brother?" He says wryly.  
"No, maybe Maglor, he'd play delightful music, but I suspect the rest would bring the mood down somewhat. Besides, I already have a singer for my wedding." I smile at him, and he grins back.  
He stands up and embraces me.  
"I'm still weary of this endeavor, but I will support you in it, both you and Andreth. If you had to pick an Edain, you chose the best." He says.  
"I did, the best of them." I smile.  
"Leave Angrod to me" Finrod says, "and let's discuss your wedding plans."  
"Well" I say, discussing at length what i imagine for our wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue is pretty hard, huh? Especially writing neurotypicals' dialogue.


End file.
